At 60, Karen Miller has enjoyed a fruitful career, traveled the globe and made lots of friends along the way.
This May, she will embark on a new adventure, getting married for the first time.
“I like this stage of my life and sharing it with someone I love,” she says. “People are more interesting, life is more interesting—and I think I am more interesting, too.”
Miller, of Wilmington, is part of an uptick of never-married people over 50 who are choosing to tie the knot.
They don’t expect to have children. They are long past the pressure to wed they felt when friends from college were rushing to the altar.
“It’s the ultimate statement of love, that I love her above all others,” says Miller’s fiancé, Russell Tuckerman, 58. “I was excited about proposing to her and I’m looking forward to being married to her.”
Relationships in later life are based on availability, desirability and motivation, says Susan Brown, a sociologist and co-director of the National Center for Family and Marriage Research, based at Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio.
Today’s 50- and 60-somethings are healthier and more active than previous generations; they expect to enjoy sex, companionship and the pursuit of mutual interests.
“People who are independent and are financially stable are seeing that marriage offers them other benefits that they value,” Brown says. “They expect more than traditional gender roles. They look to marriage for personal fulfillment, for happiness.”
There also are inherent challenges for older first-timers.
“People who marry for the first time later in life are often set in their ways and are unwilling to compromise,” Brown says. “That can be a problem, especially if the other person has been married and there are children involved. Even if those children are older, it adds an extra layer.”
Older first-timers in marriage might be the flip side of the graying of divorce. While only one in 10 people divorcing in 1990 was over 50, today it’s one in four.
“It all comes back to people who are looking for their best chance at happiness,” she says.
Carol Arnott Robbins was 51 with two adult children and had been divorced for 25 years when she married Tucker Robbins, a 55-year-old bachelor, in 2010.
“For years, I thought marriage was just a piece of paper,” she says. “Then, when I wanted to have a true partner, I realized how meaningful that commitment is.”
The relationship started casually.
“I thought we were friends, going on bike rides and doing group things,” she remembers. “I didn’t realize that we were actually dating.”
One day, Robbins came to her house. He read her a poem, Lord Byron’s “She Walks in Beauty.”
“He said that he thought we should be together,” she recalls. “He was very clear in his intentions.”
Robbins says the insights he gained through life contributed to that sense of clarity. He notes that both partners had lived in Europe. They shared interests and values.
“I wanted someone who I could treat as an equal,” he says. “So many people who marry young mature at different rates and get to a point where they are not equal.”
In essence, it’s not that complicated, says Arnott Robbins.
“It’s pure. It’s simple. We love each other and want to be together.”
Says Robbins, “I have more choices, more experiences and more fun. I am so much happier than when I was 40. Life is better in very way imaginable.”
While sociologist and trend watchers are gathering anecdotal evidence on first-time marriages, statistics remain elusive in the U.S. The federal Bureau of Labor Statistics tracks first-timers only to age 44.
But the Brits are keeping tabs. Across the pond, marriages for men in their 60s increased 25 percent in 2012, the last year for which numbers are available. At the same time, 21 percent more women in that age group said “I do,” according to Britain's Office for National Statistics.
Add super model Jerry Hall to the list, who will be 60 and a first-timer when she marries publishing magnate Rupert Murdoch, 84 and thrice divorced. The pair recently announced their engagement in London.
Maryalice Panarello was a few days shy of her 54th birthday when she married David St. Clair, 61, in November 2013.
“I liked being single and independent but I like being married better,” she says. “I have always thought that two heads are better than one and life is better with a partner.”
St. Clair, divorced after a long-term marriage, had not intended to remarry.
“Then I realized that life would be happier with Maryalice,” he says. “We all like to be reassured from time to time that we are succeeding in life. It’s important to have someone that you can trust to give you feedback, both positive and negative.”
People who marry later in life often have property and other issues to sort out.
St. Clair moved into Panarello’s home in Wilmington’s Wawaset Park; they rented out St. Clair’s condo in Philadelphia. An experienced banker, she went to work in her husband’s business.
Arnott Robbins rented her townhouse in Pike Creek when she moved into her husband’s house in Greenville. They also signed a prenuptial agreement. And she recently signed on at Robbins real estate brokerage.
“From a financial standpoint, it’s much more complicated,” she says. “When you are in your 20s, you don’t have anything. People in their 50s and 60s tend to have more assets.”
Marriage also provides a legal conduit to be partners in prosperity.
“There are practical sides to it, such as Russ can be on my health insurance,” Miller says. “We share. It’s the exact opposite of ‘I have mine and you have yours.’”
Tuckerman, divorced twice, says he looks forward to continuing the happy home life he enjoys with Miller. That includes such everyday joys as “a nice dinner, a little jazz on, the fireplace going,” wine and food events and walks at Ashland Nature Preserve.
“The school of hard knocks applies to a lot of things in life, including marriage. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learned from them,” he says. “We have absolutely no drama, no arguing. Every day with Karen is a pleasant adventure.”
He popped the question during a recent trip to Paris. They shared the news on Facebook.
At this stage in life, they will form their own nuclear family.
“Our parents are gone. Russ’s daughters are grown,” she says. “It’s just us—and that’s enough.”
